Had you been paying attention, Amelia would have shown you the path to fame and riches. But, here you are now, finally looking for the direction you missed.
- Pisces: Feb 19 - Mar 20
- The only way to reach enlightenment is to carry your daughter on your shoulders every chance you get.
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- Aries: Mar 21 - Apr 19
- Somewhere out there is a cherry lollipop with your name on it. Right now, go find it and enjoy it. And when you are done, all of your troubles will be less.
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- Taurus: Apr 20 - May 20
- Tickle-Me Ernie has the right idea. Today, giggle and laugh every time someone touches you. It's fun and makes them feel good also.
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- Gemini: May 21 - June 20
- I predict you are going to be dissapointed with your horoscope.
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- Cancer: June 21 - July 22
- We all wear metephorical diapers on our psyche to keep the "bad" stuff from leaking out. Well, it's time to take off that diaper and run bare-butt through the house of your soul. And if you make a little mess, the people that really love you will just laugh and go get the spot remover.
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- Leo: July 23 - Aug 22
- When you push the blue button, the chicken pops up. When you move the green lever, you see the sheep. But, are you prepared for the day when you push the blue button and you get a cow instead? Think about it. Sometimes things change "just because."
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- Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22
- Eating the cat food is "very bad."
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- Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 21
- Don't let society tell you what is and what is not a "snuggly." If you don't want a dolly. Don't have a dolly. I've learned that a stuffed scarecrow with a scary pumpkin face can be quite comforting. If somebody doesn't like it. Well... it's not their nap.
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- Scorpio: Oct 22 - Nov 21
- Penquins like snow, bees do not. Are you a bumble-bee in a snowstorm? Maybe you should fly off to a warmer place where the mice laze in the sun.
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- Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21
- Everytime you see something that you like or experience something new today, open your eyes really wide and say "oh, WOW!" You may feel a little silly at first but, trust me, it's a whole lot of fun.
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- Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19
- I want to go to the zoo and you are going to take me.
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- Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18
- I've learned that if you behave yourself in restaurants, people are more likely to take you out again. Is there a part of your life where you are "throwing food on the floor?" Stop it right now. Sit up straight and smile at people or else you will get no ice-cream.
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- Pisces: Feb 19 - Mar 20
- You are amazingly clever. Everyone is astounded by your wit. But, be warned, you will fall from grace and become an object of ridicule if you don't buy your daughter a pony.
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- Aries: Mar 21 - Apr 19
- Old MacDonald had a farm. And on that farm he had some chickens, goats, pigs, horses, cows, cats, dogs, snakes, doves, whales, penguins, elephants, geese, seals, yaks, shrews, wildebeests, and ... you get the idea. Does this sound like your life? Time to simplify.
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- Taurus: Apr 20 - May 20
- Have you noticed that nobody ever uses the phrase "bull in a brickyard?" That's what you are right now: making a lot of noise, bumping into things but not really causing any damage to anyone but yourself. Either slow down or find yourself a nice china shop to ruin.
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- Gemini: May 21 - June 20
- Blah blah blah stars. Blah blah blah ascending. Blah blah blah blah blah. Hey, you know your future, you always have. There's no reason for me to tell you. So get out there and make it come true.
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- Cancer: June 21 - July 22
- Did you have a nice birthday this year? Remember that gifts are more than just the thing itself. Take time to play with the wrapping. Sometimes, it's more fun.
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- Leo: July 23 - Aug 22
- When life gets too tough, I have a simple philosophy: I grab my blanket and my binky and take a nap. Maybe you should give it a try. But when you wake up, don't forget to play with your toys for a while so people don't see you with a bad case of "blanket face."
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- Virgo: Aug 23 - Sept 22
- Playing in the cat food dish is "bad."
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- Libra: Sept 23 - Oct 21
- I know what you are thinking and I must warn you. I predict that any attempt to wean me at this time would result in a very difficult future for you.
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- Scorpio: Oct 22 - Nov 21
- Hey, your symbol is a bug. My nickname is "Bug." There has to be some kind of cosmic connection here. Let's test it. I'm thinking of a toy. Send me one and let's see if you get it right.
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- Sagittarius: Nov 22 - Dec 21
- Crocodile is green. Sure, he'd like to try yellow or maybe a nice shade of blue. But let's face it, green is best and his friends like him just the way he is. Think about it.
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- Capricorn: Dec 22 - Jan 19
- Little people look up to you. Partly because you're tall, but mostly because you are a lot of fun. Keep up the good attitude.
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- Aquarius: Jan 20 - Feb 18
- When was the last time you played peek-a-boo with your reflection in the mirror? I bet it's been a long time. Go do it right now, it's a lot of fun and you could use the laugh.
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